


Time After Time

by Moreorlez



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Romance, Endgame, F/F, Fluff, Meet-Cute, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Time Jump, clexa as adults, clexa as children, clexa as teens, clexa as young adults, clexa au, clexa modern au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:03:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moreorlez/pseuds/Moreorlez
Summary: Sometimes love strikes you in a flash, like a bolt of lightning straight into your heart; and some others it takes its glorious time.Clexa modern AULexa and Clarke meet at four different stages in their lives. When will they finally let themselves surrender to love?





	1. Ten

 

 

The first time they met was at a talent competition for children when they both were ten years old.

 

Lexa happily wanders around the different rooms in the school holding the event, enjoying the many categories in the competition. Of course, the art displays are the ones that catch her attention the most, so she takes her time observing every single painting with care; until one of them captures her eyes completely.

 

Colorful flowers strategically arranged on the canvas, so enchanting and well defined that Lexa can’t help staring at it for a long while. That is until a soft voice distracts her.

 

“Hi!” A blonde girl around Lexa’s age greets her with a broad smile. 

 

“Um hi” Lexa greets back shyly.

 

“I’m Clarke; what’s your name?” 

 

“Lexa.” It’s the young brunette’s simple and quick reply. 

 

“Lexa! That’s a really cute name.” Clarke giggles, bouncing slightly on her toes.  

 

“Th-thanks,” Lexa blushes bashfully feeling intimidated but not uncomfortable, finding herself immediately drawn to the other girl’s presence.

 

 “Do you like my painting?” Clarke asks suddenly with wide glistening eyes and expectation on her young face.

 

“Well- I…” Lexa’s words falter, her mind occupied with the beauty of the cute blonde in front of her, her face, her intense blue eyes. But as soon as she notices the sly desperation in this girl’s expression she hurries with her response. “Ye-yes; I do like your painting… very much.”

 

The little blonde’s face breaks into a giant grin of pride and joy at the compliment… and also of something else her inexperienced mind can’t seem to understand. “Thanks!” Clarke chirps happily; then she remembers something and she adds “I won second place for it.” She produces a ribbon from her pocket and she carefully places it conspicuously on the corner of the canvas.

 

“I won a ribbon too!” Lexa exclaims excitedly, regretting it two seconds later.

 

“Oh really? You participated in one of the competitions too?” Clarke asks curiously. “Which ribbon did you win?”

 

Lexa’s shoulders sink in embarrassment, never being one to show off in any way; nevertheless she gives a reply not wanting to come off rude. “First place,” her voice is low and soft, barely audible enough to be heard.

 

“That’s so awesome, congrats!”  Clarke praises enthusiastically.

 

“Congratulations too.” Lexa lets out still ashamed.

 

“And what category did you compete in?” The blonde girl proceeds with a mini interrogation.

 

“Music.”

 

“Oh music! The performances were in the morning right?”

 

Lexa just nods timidly.

 

“What instrument?”

 

“Percussion.”

 

“Huh?” Clarke adorably quirks a brow not recognizing the word.

 

Used to having to explain her choice of instruments, Lexa makes a movement with her hands, air-playing bongos.

 

“Whoa that’s so cool!” Clarke’s face lights up. Out of the blue she cries, “Show me!”

 

 “What?” Lexa questions confused.

 

“Show me how you play them, I wanna hear!” Clarke requests fervently.

 

“Bu-but I don’t have my instruments.” Lexa excuses herself, completely mortified at the prospect of performing in front of the girl that for some reason makes her heart beat faster.

 

“Oh c’mon, you can do it anywhere, like…” Clarke looks around. “That desk!” She takes Lexa by the hand and drags her a few steps to the desired destination.

 

Lexa finds herself trapped between her anxiety and her need to fulfill the girl's request – especially when she’s right next to her so eager and excited. Quickly making up her mind, Lexa takes a deep breath, enters her usual performer mood and proceeds to tap on the desk rhythmically; creating the notes of a popular song she’s sure Clarke will recognize.

 

The expression the young blonde is sporting on her face could be described as utter fascination. She is really impressed by the other girl’s talent and she can’t help but enjoy the mini show.

 

After a minute or so Lexa stops her impromptu performance convinced the other girl must be satisfied with the demonstration.

 

And she is; if her loud clapping and shrieking is any proof.

 

The display causes Lexa to feel oddly happy and proud; not only is her talent appreciated but because of something else deep inside her. Something new and nice that is so strong but she doesn’t know how to take it, having never experiencing anything like this before. And for the first time since they met, a coy smile graces her features.

 

Clarke is ready to compliment the girl but shouting in the distance gets her attention.

 

“LEXA!” A woman’s voice can be heard at the back.

 

“Oh, my mom is calling me; I gotta go!” Lexa explains as she gets ready to leave. But before she does, she turns to face the other girl and with a more confident smile she voices. “It was nice to meet you Clarke, your painting is beautiful and I hope you become a famous artist in the future.” Then hesitating just a brief second and not knowing where she got the courage from, she leans in and gives Clarke a soft kiss on the cheek. And with that Lexa trots away in search of her mother.

 

Clarke helplessly watches the retreating figure of the young brunette until she disappears past the threshold of the room. Once Lexa’s form is completely out of sight, Clarke lifts a hand to her cheek, still feeling the warmth of the kiss vibrating on her skin. She’s not really sure what is going on with her, the only thing she’s certain of at the moment is that whatever she’s feeling is because of this Lexa girl; and that knowledge is enough to plant a giddy sensation in her heart that lasted for a very long time.

 

And that, unbeknown to Lexa, was the moment someone made Clarke feel really special for the first time.

 

 

 


	2. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes love strikes you in a flash, like a bolt of lightning straight into your heart; and some others it takes its glorious time.
> 
> Lexa and Clarke meet at four different stages in their lives. When will they finally let themselves surrender to love?

 

 

The second time they met was at a soccer tournament when they were fifteen years old.

 

Once her cheerleading squad arranged themselves on the sidelines of the playing field, Clarke proceeded with her customary encouraging speech.  “OK guys, this is the first time our girls made it to the tournament so we better show them some love regardless of the outcome, what do you say?”

 

The squad cheers and whistles demonstrating their approval. 

 

Satisfied, Clarke nods and begins to look around to acquaint herself with the surroundings.

 

Just then, the opposing team makes their way onto the field.

 

Clarke curiously watches their entrance until one particular girl with a jacket sporting the word “commander” on the back, catches her attention. A tall brunette with wavy long hair and visible marked features – at least from Clarke’s vantage point of the girl’s side- looks awfully familiar to her somehow. _‘Do I know her?’_  She wonders in silence.

 

At that same moment the girl in question removes her jacket -her back to Clarke- displaying clearly the name on her jersey.

 

Lexa?! Clarke gasps out.

 

As if she heard her name being called; Lexa instinctively looks behind, crossing looks with the blonde across from her. She squints, her mind also seemingly recognizing the face until she actually does.  “Clarke?!”

 

Both girls get extremely excited and delighted at their unexpected encounter.

 

Lexa is about to run towards Clarke but suddenly her coach starts giving the team final instructions before the beginning of the game.

 

Clarke was already moving in Lexa’s direction but soon takes notice of the small predicament the other girl finds herself in.

 

Being the captain, Lexa knows she can’t leave her teammates minutes before a game;  so she just cranes her neck and gives Clarke an apologetic look accompanied by a tiny shrug.

 

And Clarke completely understands. She nods making a movement with her hands to convey they will see each other after the game.  When she gets a thumps up from Lexa, she relaxes and despite the already humongous distraction she does her best to perform her routine as planned.

 

…

 

Turns out, Lexa was not only good with musical instruments.

 

They were barely five minutes into the game and Lexa had already scored a goal.

 

The blonde just chuckled and carried on cheering for her team. She did exactly the same gesture the other two times Lexa scored.

 

Finally the game was over with a decisive 5 to 2 in favor of Lexa’s team.

 

“Take this.” Clarke throws her pompons to the closest cheerleader and goes to find Lexa.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Lexa excuses herself to one of her team mates as she begins searching for Clarke.

 

Hurriedly, they approach each other until they meet in the middle of the playing field.

 

“Omg!!” Clarke greets from her place half a meter away from Lexa; where both halted automatically.

 

“Hi” Lexa greets back with a dumb smirk on her face.

 

“I can’t believe it.” Clarke says in awe. “How long has it been, five years?”

 

“Yeah five years.” Lexa replies just as amazed. “Crazy huh?”

 

“No shit” Clarke giggles excited “you look all… grown up” she then gives an appreciative once over to Lexa’s newly found muscular body in subconscious flirting.

 

“Uh thanks.” Lexa chuckles nervously, scratching the back of her neck. “You look grown up too.” Her eyes instinctively fall on Clarke’s generous breasts but she quickly averts her gaze back to Clarke’s blue eyes.

 

“I guess yeah,” Clarke dismisses not taking notice of Lexa’s indiscreet look, instead focusing on getting to know more about her. “So Polis school; of course you would go there.”

 

Lexa has to smirk at that “yeah the music program,” she rolls her eyes but she adds something else. “In my defense, they have a really good sports program too.”

 

“I can see that,” Clarke offers jokingly.

 

“It’s not exactly close to where I live but the programs are worth it.”

 

“Where do you live?”

 

“Cedrusville.”

 

“What, shut up!” Clarke is once again pleasantly surprised. “I live twenty minutes from Cedrusville!”

 

“You’re kidding, right?”

 

“No! I go there a lot, I mean duh! The mall is like really cool!”

 

“Yeah it is,” Lexa agrees and adds not wanting to lose contact with her new friend, “maybe we can hang out sometime you know; have ice cream or something.”

 

And Clarke couldn’t be more willing, “of course! I would love to!”

 

Both smile at each other, happy they got to reunite and have a second chance to develop the friendship they couldn’t do when they were kids.

 

After that unintentional but fortunate meeting they became best friends. They didn’t let a little detail like going to different schools stop them from seeing each other as much as they could. The fact that Clarke was very supportive when Lexa came out as a lesbian made their connection even stronger. Clarke and Lexa used to hang out by themselves the first few weeks but later on they tagged along with their respective friends making it easier to spend time with one group or the other; or at times getting together and making it one large group.

 

That sadly lasted only until the end of the following school year.

 

Lexa’s father got a promotion which meant the family needed to move to another state. The news of course were not well taken by either of them; there were tears and laments but ultimately they understood it was inevitable and they accepted it, deciding instead to enjoy what time they had left.

 

And just like that they were now spending their last day together.

 

It began really early in the morning with a succulent breakfast at their favorite coffee shop; then they roamed around the mall- where they hold onto so many memories- one last time before going back to Clarke’s place for a homemade lunch and movies. Luckily for them, Clarke’s parents were working so the girls had the opportunity to misbehave by deciding to sample every liquor in her dad’s bar. By early in the evening they were already drunk. They moved to Clarke’s bedroom to avoid getting caught and continued their farewell celebrations there. Among music and laughter, and already sitting on Clarke’s bed, Lexa makes a sudden admission.

 

“I’m going to miss you a lot Clarke.” Lexa’s tone was serious in contrast to the giddiness of her state.

 

Clarke’s mood switches immediately at the words. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

 

They exchange sad glances.

 

Still holding her gaze, Clarke reaches for Lexa’s cheek with her hand, caressing it slowly.

 

Lexa closes her eyes at the warmth of the touch.

 

“You’re so very beautiful.”

 

Clarke’s raspy whisper causes Lexa to open her eyes in surprise; encountering blue eyes boring into hers.

 

“Your eyes are so intense and green … like the forest,” Clarke continues as she moves her palm along Lexa’s jaw, meticulously.

 

Lexa remains silent; the alcohol slowly wearing off her system.     

 

“And your lips are so full and rosy… so fucking sexy.” Clarke accompanies her words with a subtle stroke of her thumb.

 

It is a lot to handle for young Lexa, this abrupt and unexpected boldness coming from Clarke, especially taking into account Clarke has never shown interest in women before. Truth is she has dreamed about this scenario many times, tired of denying to herself the crush she developed on Clarke not long after they met but of course she never admitted it to her face, scared she might lose her as a friend. So no, what’s going on is not at all unwelcome, but she never imagined it actually happening. Naturally, her body responds to the caresses but she tries to keep it at bay, after all she’s sure it’s Clarke’s intoxicated state which is making her act this way. She opens her mouth to stop her friend from continuing this game but her mind ceases functioning when Clarke suddenly leans in and takes her lips in an intense kiss.

 

It takes her a few seconds but eventually Lexa succumbs to the passion and responds with the same eagerness.

 

Clarke clashes her lips with Lexa’s with no delicacy whatsoever, on the contrary it’s rough and hungry, like she’s never kissed anyone before. She totally knows what she’s doing is completely random and it could be confusing for Lexa but she simply doesn’t care about it right now. Actually if she’s honest with herself, it’s not random at all, this is something she has been fantasizing about for so long;  the alcohol in her system has only given her the necessary push to go along with it without any guilt.

 

Both have their own mess inside their heads, like why they are doing this or how, but neither is able to stop.

 

It soon escalates when Clarke pushes Lexa onto the mattress, positioning on top of her.

 

From there on, it all becomes very blurry for both of them, with rushed touches here and there, kisses everywhere, clothing halfway removed. 

 

There are some things that they will forever recall vividly though; like when Clarke touched Lexa between her legs – inside her panties- making her come with barely a few strokes or the feel of Clarke’s lips on Lexa’s  fingers as the blonde rode on them with abandon until she reached her own climax.

 

After that they both laid down next to each other, staring at the ceiling, still breathing hard; neither daring to utter a word, neither quite believing what just happened. The time passed by and little by little sleepiness –and tiredness- took a hold of their bodies, leading them slowly to unconsciousness. But before that happened, Clarke extended her hand, blindly searching for Lexa’s; in turn Lexa took hold of her hand with utmost tenderness.  They fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, fingers entwined.

 

The next morning, as expected they woke up with a hangover but definitely more sober than earlier. They didn’t speak about what happened the night before; they simply got ready and went downstairs.

 

Clarke accompanies Lexa to the door.

 

“So, uh let me know when everything is ready,” Clarke asks as she holds the front door open.

 

“I will,” Lexa reassures. “You’re still going to the airport with us right,” she suddenly asks trying to hide her anxiety. Not that she wanted to openly address the topic but she needed to know that what happened hours ago hasn’t affected in any way their previous plans.

 

“Of course I’m going,” Clarke exclaims. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she omitted the ‘despite of what happened’ not wanting to make it awkward.

 

“OK,” Lexa sighs relieved.

 

They stand in silence for a few seconds, avoiding gazes. 

 

“Then… I’ll see you later?” Clarke tries to fill the void before it becomes more uncomfortable.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa replies softly, as she starts walking down the steps of the front porch. “I’ll see you later.” With that she gives Clarke one last glance before walking towards her car.

 

Clarke observes Lexa walking away, wondering deep inside if this was the last time that they will actually see each other later.

 

…

 

The ride to the airport was generally quiet, except for the occasional comment from Lexa’s parents.

 

The story changed though after they hand over their luggage, which gave them some free time before the flight.

 

With the parents gone to give the best friends some privacy, things threatened to once again be awkward but then again, Lexa and Clarke pretended everything was OK and carried on talking like they usually do.

 

Finally, when it was time to part they gave each other a long hug, one that conveyed the words they really wanted to say and the emotions they wanted to show but neither dared.

 

“Have a safe flight, text me when you make it home,” Clarke requests after she pulled away.

 

“Yeah, of course!” Lexa assures with certainty. “Text me every day OK? Don’t be a stranger,” she points at Clarke in a friendly warning.

 

“I won’t,” Clarke affirms with a chuckle.

 

“OK” and just like she did earlier at Clarke’s doorstep, Lexa begins walking away.

 

They continued to eye each other until it was no longer humanly possible.

 

It was just when Lexa was out of sight that it all came to Clarke. _‘Lexa is leaving… Lexa is gone and I don’t know when I’ll see her again.’_ The pressure on her chest that had been there since they woke up this morning now becomes a feeling of panic. She holds her chest, trying to calm herself down not wanting to make a scene among the crowd. She strides to a less populated area of the airport and starts taking deep breaths. A final thought though, destroys any possibility she had at controlling her emotions. _‘I may never see her again.’_   The phrase seems to snap something inside of Clarke, causing her to erupt into heartbreaking sobs.

 

Unlike Clarke, Lexa couldn’t afford crying at the moment – nor for many hours ahead for that matter- but oh she needs it too!  She just carries on with the monotonous process at the airport holding it all inside. All she has on her mind is what they did the night before, if they will ever talk about it, if it meant something… if she will ever see Clarke again. All of it feels so surreal so painful. But for now all she can do is to suck it all up and dream about meeting Clarke again one day and be like they used to.

 

That, unbeknown to Clarke, was the moment someone made Lexa feel really hopeful for the first time.

 

 


	3. Twenty one

 

 

 

 

The third time they met was at Lexa's birthday party, when they were twenty one years old.

 

After thinking over insecurities and uncertainties for more than two weeks, Clarke finally decided to go to Lexa’s birthday party. Turning twenty one was an important day in someone’s life so it clearly gave Clarke the perfect excuse to woman up and visit her former best friend without looking desperate. It is understandably tough, her hesitancy, having to take into account this would be the first time they would be seeing each other after five years; a fact that brings bitterness to Clarke’s soul.

 

The first few months that they were separated, all went well; they video chatted and communicated constantly and kept each other posted about their lives. Unfortunately as time passed on life got in the way and their calls and messages were less frequent until one day they stopped communicating completely. Sure there was the occasional like to each other’s pictures or the mandatory birthday wish on facebook but nothing at all like they used to be. And to make matters worse, Lexa wasn’t exactly a social media butterfly which made it really hard for Clarke to keep up with her friend’s whereabouts.

 

Well that changed the day Clarke received a notification for an event, one that invited her to Lexa’s birthday party at her aunts beach house.

 

That was the day the wheels began turning frantically in Clarke’s head, the desire inside that nagged at her constantly, begging her to talk to Lexa, the need to find her went off the roof. _‘Why should I do that? If she’s never tried herself; maybe she doesn’t even care so why should I bother?’_  These were the thoughts that discouraged her from her pursuit… and she always let them win over.

 

But not this time.

 

Her uncle Thelonious had been insisting for a while that she come and visit him so he can introduce her to some of his artist friends. Coincidentally it happens he lives not too far from where Lexa will be holding her party. It was almost like fate laid a hand in it.

 

Clarke took her sweet time debating with the pros and cons, imagining possible scenarios even trying to convince herself it was a bad idea but ultimately she made up her mind.

 

That’s how she finds herself now returning from dinner with her uncle’s friends; an experience that turned out to be very informative and educative concerning the arts.

 

“That went well!” Thelonious comments as he prepares drinks for everyone at his minibar.

 

“Yeah, it really did. They were all enchanted with you Clarke” Becca, Thelonious girlfriend, adds from her place on the couch.

 

“I’m not sure about that,” Clarke responds less optimistic. “They all looked pretty neutral to me.”

 

“Oh please,” Wells interjects “they are always like that. I’ve known those bland oldies for quite some time and believe me when they don’t like someone; you’re gonna know it.”

 

At that Thelonious, Becca and Wells himself bursts into laughter.

 

Clarke just observes them, wondering what those artists would do to someone they didn’t like.

 

When their laughter dies down, Thelonious serves the drinks and takes a seat next to Becca while saying in a very assertive manner, “rest assured Clarke those people liked you and your work; and if I were you I would take advantage of their offerings of tutoring and advice.”

 

She considers for a few seconds; finally deciding to trust her uncle with this one. “OK, I will do that.”

 

After a few minutes of small talk, Clarke is asked about her plans for the weekend.

 

“And what are you doing tomorrow night? Maybe Wells can take you dancing; there are a lot of nice clubs around the city,” Becca suggests.

 

“Um, actually…” Clarke begins, not before sending a nasty look at Wells who is trying hard to contain a smirk “… tomorrow I’m going to a friend’s party that's close by.”

 

“Oh that’s great! Are you going with Wells?”

 

“Uh…”

 

“No, I unfortunately can’t,” Wells comes to the rescue. “I’m meeting with the guys for gaming night.” And just before his father intervenes, Wells takes the initiative, already knowing what he was going to say “but don’t worry, there won’t be any drinking and I’m taking Clarke there and picking her up,” he finalizes winking in Clarke’s direction.

 

Clarke sighs relieved and grateful that she doesn’t have to give much explanation regarding her visit to Lexa; she doesn’t need the stress really… tomorrow will be enough stress for her.

 

….

 

The car has been parked in front of the beach house for almost ten minutes now and Clarke still hasn’t made a move to get out.

 

“Anytime you want,” Wells remarks sarcastically.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Clarke spats looking at the entrance of the building which is already resonating with music.

 

Wells throws his head back in laughter but quickly he has something else to say; knowing his friend only needs some encouragement. “Clarke for real, you didn’t make it all the way here just to get cold feet now, you have nothing to lose; just get in there.”

 

“Argh” Clarke grunts knowing he is right. “Fine, fine I’ll go in,” she inhales and reaches for the door handle.

 

“That’s the spirit! Now go get her tigress!”

 

Clarke cranes her neck sending him one of her infamous nasty glares.

 

“Oh boy.” Wells shakes his head, lets out a long sigh and just like magic his vibe transforms completely, making room for a sober expression that catches Clarke’s attention. “No seriously,” he reaches for Clarke’s shoulder and looking straight into her face pronounces “good luck.”

 

At that, Clarke can’t help a tiny nervous smile gracing her features. “Thank you.”

 

That’s all the reassurance Clarke needs to finally make it inside the house.

 

…

 

As soon as she crosses the front entrance Clarke is enveloped by the loud beats of the music that seem to reverberate deep within her shaky body.  She carefully scans every corner, trying to spot the face she’s searching for.

 

It is not until she reaches the back of the house that she hears the now familiar sound of percussion instruments being played. She walks to the large open doors of the patio, immediately taking in the group of people next to the pool performing a song to a very animated crowd. Her line of vision instinctively follows to what these performers are intently looking at.

 

And there she is; Lexa.

 

Clarke stops just before crossing the threshold, leaning her body onto the frame instead to observe in more detail the show that is the vision of Lexa.

 

She’s sensually moving to the rhythm of the music while at the same time guiding the impromptu band with a cowbell.

 

Lexa’s display of talent and control of the stage is mesmerizing, just like Clarke remembers. How could she forget the countless performances Lexa did in school? The same focus, the same attitude; so enchanting, so lively. Although her favorite shows were the private ones, where Lexa would perform in her bedroom –sometimes in underwear - only for her. But now she recalls, it’s not exactly the same; this Lexa looks more mature, more sure of herself; and that completely fits with her personality… and makes her look even sexier.

 

Clarke is so deep into her fantasies that she is startled when everyone starts clapping and shouting at the end of the performance. And she’s still recovering when Lexa suddenly looks in her direction.

 

Lexa’s initial expression on her face shows surprise, but also something else Clarke can’t really pinpoint but it looks a lot like relief. But she has no time to really analyze it, since Lexa is coming her way.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa cries out, enveloping Clarke in a bear hug.

 

Clarke closes her eyes, returning the embrace with as much eagerness; enjoying the closeness and warmth of Lexa after so many years. 

 

“Omg you’re here!” Lexa leans back far enough to look at Clarke with joy.

 

“Yeah… Happy birthday!” Clarke titters, not knowing what else to say.

 

“Oh thank you very much,” Lexa replies with a huge grin, “now, come with me missy!” She drags Clarke by the arm to the bar.

 

Still quite stunned by the encounter, Clarke follows Lexa in autopilot and is not aware of what’s going on until she’s sitting at the bar with a glass in her hand.

 

“For surprise appearances.” Lexa giggles and clicks her glass with Clarke’s, taking a sip of her drink.

 

Clarke chuckles and takes a sip of her own drink.

 

“So… I have a confession to make,” Lexa offers with a poised stand.

 

“Oh uh…” Clarke gulps, preparing for whatever Lexa is about to disclose. “And what would that be?” She tries to seem unaffected but interested.

 

Lexa leans in, closer to Clarke as she voices. “I knew you were coming.”

 

 “You-you  did?” Clarke stutters feeling caught.

 

“Well…” and just like that, all the bravado and confidence Lexa was exuding minutes ago makes way to shyness as she once again makes a confession “… at least I was hoping you would.”

 

Clarke blinks not sure if she heard correctly, either way she doesn’t dare question the other girl.

 

“Actually, that’s why I agreed to this party in the first place; wishing you would come by.” This time Lexa looks down, running a finger over the rim of her glass.

 

The reality looks even better than the imagination, Clarke has to concede; yet she can’t believe those words are coming from Lexa’s lips. She’s basically dumbstruck, with no words to say; but she doesn’t have to worry about that since Lexa is still talking.

 

“You know I’m not into big parties and stuff,” Lexa explains trying to lighten the mood.

 

And that’s when Clarke’s teasing side comes full force. “Oh right, you’re a good girl.” She lets out with new found confidence, drinking from her glass to hide her smirk. Because yeah, as far she’s concerned Lexa has always been a good girl, kinda nerdy actually; always into her music and sports, never one to party or do crazy things.

 

But Lexa is certainly not the same teenager Clarke befriended six years ago and she’s determined to prove it. “I can be a bad girl when I want to Clarke,” she asseverates with mischievousness.

 

“Oh yeah? Like when?” Clarke counteracts obviously not convinced.

 

“Lets see…” Lexa takes her chin in mocking consideration, “like when I stole the mascot of that one university my band was competing against.”

 

“Oh so nasty,” Clarke comments sarcastically.

 

“Or when I and some friends spent a weekend at an empty beach house during winter break.”

 

“OK, that’s better.” The mischief seems to impress Clarke a little.

 

“Or how about…”  Lexa looks intently into Clarke’s eyes for a few seconds, getting lost in a memory but quickly regains control and lets out in the most nonchalant manner “… when I got drunk and lost my virginity to my best friend the very last day we spent together.”

 

It has the desired effect.

 

Clarke’s jaw falls, her eyes bulging.

 

Lexa smirks, full of herself, enjoying very much how the ever sassy blonde has been reduced to a speechless dummy.

 

Clarke shakes her head to come out of the perplexed state she is in. She opens her mouth two times but nothing comes out, until the third try she actually succeeds at expelling a question. “Virginity?” She gulps to moisten her sudden dry throat “that… that was your first time?”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa replies a bit wary, realizing Clarke is not in a teasing mood anymore.

 

“But… I thought you and that girl…”

 

“Uh um… I may have exaggerated a bit” Lexa cringes with guilt.

 

Still shocked and processing the news Clarke questions with a mixture of hurt and an accusatory tone, “why didn’t you tell me?”

 

At that Lexa inhales deeply preparing to elaborate. “I didn’t want you to think I was lame and boring Clarke.” She then rolls her eyes at the irony, “well I guess I failed at that miserably.”

 

Clarke looks to the side; her mind running a thousand miles per minute; lots of confessions to make, lots of things to admit;  yet she keeps the thoughts to herself instead summarizing it all in one simple demand. “You should have told me!”

 

“Why? So you could pity me?” Lexa purses her lips, avoiding Clarke’s gaze.

 

“No!” Clarke immediately corrects, getting a bit of her temper out. “It was your first time Lexa and I… I acted like a fucking perv.”

 

“Oh c’mon Clarke,” Lexa attempts to ease her friend’s concerns. “It was exactly the way a first time should be, messy and unforgettable.”

 

But Clarke doesn’t seem to be listening. “If I would’ve known I would’ve been tender, I would’ve taken my time, I don’t know… go slower or something.”

 

Lexa has to contain the “awww” she was about to let out finding it endearing how considerate Clarke was being. She’s about to reassure her that everything is OK but the next words from Clarke’s mouth puts her immediately into a solemn state.

 

“I could have made it special for you” Clarke expels, staring into Lexa’s eyes.

 

The brunette holds Clarke’s gaze, seemingly considering something very carefully. “Clarke…” she finally starts, once again with an affirmation that will shake Clarke to the very core. “I promise you, with no hint of doubt in my soul, that what happened that night was special…very fucking special.”

 

The way Lexa said it with such acuteness and the way she’s looking at her is making Clarke’s heart suddenly beat faster. She’s not completely certain but she swears Lexa is trying to tell her something. _‘Maybe she’s thinking the same’_ Clarke wonders, debating internally. _‘Fuck it, just tell her!’_ With that last thought she decides to admit something she herself has been denying for quite a while. “Lexa…” Clarke takes a breath of courage, ready to share what’s been on her mind for almost five years.

 

“There you are!”

 

A girl cries out of the blue, startling Lexa and Clarke.

 

The girl in question jumps into Lexa’s arms planting a kiss on her lips.

 

To say Clarke is left aghast is an understatement. 

 

“Happy birthday babe.”

 

“Hey, thank you um…” Lexa gives the girl a tight smile. She then clears her throat making a movement with her head to let her know they are not alone.

 

“Oh, sorry, hi!” The girl turns around to face Clarke and proceeds to wave at her cutely.

 

“Uh Costia this is Clarke, Clarke this is Costia... my girlfriend.”

 

By the display of affection she just witnessed, it was evident to Clarke who the girl was in Lexa’s life, although that doesn’t make it any less shocking.

 

“Wait, Clarke?” Costia arks a brow glancing from Lexa to Clarke. “As in ‘that’ Clarke?” She declares with a smirk.

 

 Lexa blushes profusely at her girlfriend’s indiscretion. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

 

“No way!” Costia exclaims giving Clarke the once-over, “you go girl!” She extends her hand up to Clarke in a high five.

 

Confused and a bit embarrassed, Clarke responds to it awkwardly.

 

“I heard a lot of things about you!” Costia says excitedly. “Gosh this is so cool, we have to celebrate, we need a bottle!” Saying that she asks the bartender for wine.

 

Lexa sends an apologetic look to Clarke, who simply shrugs.

 

“OK here we go.” Costia, with a bottle already opened, proceeds to fill a glass for herself. “I want you to tell me everything!” She then pours wine into Clarke’s empty glass. Halfway through the task she stops abruptly with a gasp. “Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not a good idea you two drinking too much huh?” she playfully points at the two of them with her finger.

 

“Oh God” Clarke mumbles feeling hotness on her face. She’s officially mortified.

 

The same could be said about Lexa who wishes the earth would swallow her up.

 

Costia laughs out loud, completely oblivious to the girls humiliation; simply enjoying the fun of the moment.

 

Clarke and Lexa briefly cross sights; out of mortification and because of the memories the joke brought back. A memorable moment that is constantly invading their brains, one they haven’t been able to talk about or specifically discuss what it meant to the both of them.

 

Unfortunately any chance of attempting to dive into that topic was thrown out of the window since Costia stayed with them for basically the whole night, asking them tons of questions regarding their friendship and the time they spent together. They also caught up on what they were both currently doing and their future plans. Of course, being the bubbly girl she was, Costia dragged both friends onto the dance floor several times –despite Clarke’s objections- and forced them to dance and loosen up. Even though in the beginning it felt uncomfortable Lexa and Clarke were able to let go and kinda enjoy the situation, indulging in some choreography both friends knew by heart.

 

Hours later, during another round of anecdotes and laughter, Costia – already with a few drinks in her- remarks in the most candid way “Oh my God Clarke, I feel like I already know you!” She puts a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “Lexa always talks about you and how good friends you were in the past, I still wonder why we never met until now.” She chuckles finalizing with a huge grin “I’m so glad you came.”

 

Right at that moment a new song begins catching Costia’s attention. She obviously invites her girlfriend and Clarke to dance but both refuse. This time, in the tipsy state she is in, Costia doesn’t insist but merely shrugs and trots away in search of her friends. 

 

Alone once again; Lexa and Clarke remain quiet and bask in the way the other people are enjoying the party.

 

Lexa is watching her girlfriend doing something funny on the dance floor and she’s about to point it out when Clarke abruptly remarks.

 

“Why didn't you ever look for me?”

 

It is a question Lexa wasn’t expecting so she doesn’t react to it immediately.

 

Clarke's full attention is on Lexa as she waits for her answer, attempting to hide the hurt and anger the question triggered in her.

 

It takes her a few seconds, but Lexa eventually replies. “I tried,” she gives a long sigh and closes her eyes, collecting her thoughts before continuing. “I was about to, so many times; you have no idea; but for some reason I simply couldn’t go ahead with it.”

 

That’s something Clarke can relate to. Always wanting to see Lexa, always wanting to call her but when the opportunity presented itself she just couldn’t.

 

“Also school got in the way, and then I met Costia.” Lexa tries to explain her reasons. “After that I guess I got too much involved in my relationship to really do something other than to hope you would be the one contacting me,” she finally admits showing hints of regret.

 

The only thing Clarke manages to do with the information is to nod, pensively. 

 

Not that she was expecting a pat in the back but Lexa feels weird at the lack of response from her friend. Taking the opportunity she dares to ask a question of her own. “And why didn’t you? I mean find me sooner.”

 

“I don’t know.” Clarke doesn’t have to think much about the answer since Lexa basically summed it all up, so she offers in all honesty. “In a way I guess… maybe the same?”

 

There is no need for more words; it makes sense to both of them.

 

That was the end of the topic for that night.

 

…

 

Just one hour more was all that Clarke could tolerate at the party before excusing herself.

 

“I gotta go,” she straightforwardly presents her statement.

 

“Oh…OK,” Lexa is caught off guard. She knew the moment would come but the reality of it still affects her. “Should I call you a cab?” She politely offers, concerned.

 

“No, it’s fine; Wells is coming for me.”

 

“Good… um, then let me…” Lexa signals with her hand to let Clarke know she will be accompanying her outside.

 

“Sure.” Clarke accepts gladly.

 

Both friends walk side by side slowly to the exit.

 

…

 

There, in the driveway with the music in the distance, they stand next to each other in the chilly early morning; not knowing what to say.

 

It is not until Clarke checks her cellphone for a text that Lexa ventures, knowing their time is running out. “I’m really happy you decided to come visit me Clarke, I want you to know it meant a lot to me.”

 

Clarke offers a kind smile. “It meant a lot to me too.”

 

The brief eye to eye contact they engaged in after their disclosure gets cut short by the sound of a car approaching.

 

“That’s my ride!” Clarke announces breaking the moment, tension running through her limbs. 

 

Lexa gulps overcome by sudden anxiety; sensing something is slipping through her fingers but not sure exactly what. Her hands are restless at her sides in fists but soon they find solace in Clarke’s embrace when the blonde takes her into her arms.

 

“Take care OK?” Clarke holds tight onto Lexa, relishing in the feel and smell of her, engraving them into her senses.

_‘Why does this feel like a goodbye? Like we will never see each other again.’_ Lexa wonders in silence.

 

When Clarke gets enough, and before it becomes harder she detaches from the brunette giving her a sad grin and starts moving away.

 

Desperation takes over Lexa. She reaches for Clarke’s arm, effectively spinning her around.

 

Clarke is taken aback, she stares at Lexa curiously awaiting for whatever the brunette needs or wants.

 

But Clarke is not the only one surprised. Lexa herself is shocked by what she just did; and the worst part is she doesn’t know why. She doesn’t have much time to dwell on it though, she has to do something before it turns embarrassing for her so she does the first thing that occurs to her, something that comes from her heart. “Don’t be a stranger” she whispers, leaning in and giving Clarke a soft kiss on her cheek.

 

The action throws Clarke back into the past to when she was ten years old; the same sensation, the same emotions… the same person. But this time instead of filling her with giddiness she’s overtaken by sorrow. She doesn’t want to lie to Lexa so she avoids giving a reply; only offering a chuckle as she pulls her arm slowly, connecting her hand with Lexa’s and giving it a firm squeeze. “Bye.” With that she lets go of Lexa's hand and quickly climbs into the car.

 

A stunned Lexa remains standing, watching the car pull away… along with her hopes of seeing Clarke again.

 

Inside the car, already some kilometers away from the scene, Wells gives a sidelong glance toward Clarke and unable to curb his curiosity he asks. “So, how did it go?”

 

In all fairness, she doesn’t want to be rude especially not after what Wells has done for her. But Clarke clearly is in no mood for giving explanations or even talking for that matter. At least not when she’s barely holding up and she honestly doesn’t want to start bawling.  “Just drive, please.”

 

Wells gets the message.

 

The rest of the ride is done in complete silence. 

 

That, unbeknown to Lexa, was the moment someone broke Clarke’s heart for the very first time.

 

 


	4. Twenty six (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! ;)

 

 

The fourth time they met was at Clarke’s art studio and gallery when they were twenty six years old.

 

“Just a little … more,” Clarke croaks as she and Raven push a metal sculpture to one side of the small art gallery.

 

Once the item was placed in the desired spot, they both bend over to catch their breaths.

 

“That was heavy as fuck.”

 

“No shit.”

 

They take a few minutes to cool down before engaging in their usual banter.

 

“It looks amazing Raven,” a recovered Clarke praises as she admires her friend’s sculpture.

 

“I know right?” Raven smiles, proud of herself.

 

“You’re sooo humble you little shit,” Clarke playfully pushes her friend’s shoulder.

 

“Hey! I’m talented what can I say!” Raven defends herself with a shrug.

 

“Oh fuck you.” Clarke once again pushes Raven.

 

“Stop it!” Raven reacts by doing the same to Clarke.

 

Their childish grappling is interrupted though by the sound of the hanging bells on the front door; indicating the entrance of a possible customer.

 

Both girls immediately stop their silliness to face the person making their way inside the gallery. But what Clarke wasn’t expecting to find was a certain special someone staring back at her.

 

Stepping slowly inside the gallery is Lexa, carrying a small suitcase along with her.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke can’t help shouting out.

 

“Lexa?”  Raven whispers surprised, having heard that name many times before.

 

Lexa stays put, placing the suitcase down by her side.

 

A giant smile is plastered over Clarke’s face as she begins to approach the brunette, but immediately vanishes as soon as she takes in her expression.

 

Lexa’s face is contorting, her lips trembling.

 

Clarke makes it just in time to catch Lexa whose knees suddenly gave out.

 

“Clarke…”  Lexa weakly manages to let out, clinging onto Clarke before fully embracing her and dissolving into uncontrollable tears. 

 

Clarke holds Lexa tight, utterly confused.

 

“I’m gonna…” Raven tells Clarke in a low voice signaling she will close up the gallery.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke mouths never letting go of Lexa.

 

 With the task done, Raven quietly retreats to the studio to give them some privacy.

 

Lexa cries in Clarke’s arms for a very long while, feeling solace in them, solace that has been denied to her in the past weeks.

 

“Hey,” Clarke whisper soon after she notices Lexa’s sobbing has softened. “How about we go upstairs? My apartment is there. Maybe we can sit down on the couch, have some tea… talk if you feel like it?” She coaxes sweetly, pulling her face away a bit to look at Lexa.

 

With a simple nod as an approval from Lexa, Clarke moves her hand to Lexa’s waist guiding her slowly up the stairs

 

…

  
After the roller-coaster ride that became her day, the moment Lexa appeared in her gallery and the subsequent hours of trying to calm Lexa down; Clarke finally rests on her bed with a sleeping Lexa next to her, securely on her left arm. Now that she is alone with her thoughts she’s able to process everything she found out.

  
  
Costia, Lexa’s girlfriend had died in a tragic accident barely two months ago.

  
  
_‘Well that explains why Lexa didn’t make it to the opening’,_ Clarke concludes oddly relieved.

  
  
 Sure, they weren’t exactly on speaking terms but Clarke thought Lexa would have the common courtesy of attending the most important milestone in her life. After all it was the grand opening of her very own art gallery three weeks ago. Even though she knew she didn’t have the right, Clarke had been very hurt by Lexa’ s absence; but given the circumstances, it was totally understandable.

 

Costia’s death sent Lexa into a downward spiral of depression that caused her to avoid any contact with the outside world, choosing rather to be secluded in her bedroom, full of memories and regrets. Later her parents brought her back to their home in hopes of helping her but Lexa remained in the same mood, this time staying in her old bedroom. The incessant attempts of her family and friends on helping her overcome her depression drained Lexa to the point she packed her bag and went in search of tranquility. And that’s how without even thinking she ended up outside Clarke’s gallery.

  
  
And what a way to shock Clarke who didn’t have the chance to fully understand what was going on until now. The first thing she did as soon as they made it to her apartment was to remove Lexa’s jacket and search for her phone; in the condition Lexa was in Clarke was sure someone must be concerned about her. Sure enough the phone was plagued with notifications and missed calls from different contacts. Clarke, with Lexa’s authorization took over the task of letting Lexa’s parents know she was with her.

 

The phone barely rang once when the call was answered; of course Lexa’s mother was frantic and replied desperately assuming it was her daughter.

_“No, um this is Clarke Griffin; Lexa is here with me. Yes, yes she’s safe don’t worry about it. I just wanted to let you know she was here.”_

_Lexa’s mother immediately asked for her address so she could pick Lexa up, but Clarke had other instructions._

_“I’m sorry, I’m afraid Lexa doesn’t want to come home at the moment. I don’t know she just asked me to tell you that. Yes, she will be staying with me. I don’t know that either ma’am.  No, she doesn’t wish to speak to anyone for now. Yes, I’ll keep you informed about her situation, don’t worry.”_

 

Clarke had felt bad about Lexa’s parents who she imagined must feel powerless, unable to help  their daughter with her grieving but currently she has to put that aside, since she must worry about Lexa and only her. She glances at her sleeping friend at her side, knowing heavy times await her, but despite that she is glad Lexa is here and she’s adamant to make it as bearable as possible for the girl. With that final resolution, she sighs and lets sleep take over her already tired body.

 

…

 

The sunlight coming through the window in Clarke’s bedroom welcomes Lexa, though it makes the task of opening her eyes a bit difficult, but that’s not what woke Lexa from her deep slumber.  Rather it was the loud voices coming from the living room. In the beginning it was difficult to decipher what they were saying due to Lexa’s state of drowsiness but little by little she starts making out what is being said.

 

 “I was just comforting her Niylah, she was in really rough shape!”

 

“Oh really? And you had to do that in the bed?”

 

“Ugh I told you already nothing happened! I moved us there cause she was exhausted and we happened to fall asleep!”

 

“Lexa of all people needing comfort and landing in your bed, how convenient.”

 

The venom in which her name was mentioned is what put Lexa into a state of high alert, now fully awake.

 

“For fuck sake have a little more respect, her girlfriend just died, what’s wrong with you?”

 

And like a slap on her face, Lexa is once again reminded of her misfortunes. The heavy feeling in her chest comes back full force threatening to throw her down but luckily some needed distraction comes to the rescue.

 

“You know what Clarke? I don’t wanna do this anymore; I just need you to tell me something, just one simple thing…”

 

This Niylah girl takes a brief pause in which she apparently moves farther away from the bedroom so that when she resumes speaking her voice is distant and hard to understand. Lexa props herself up on her elbows trying to concentrate solely on the sound of the woman’s voice but her attempts are futile since she can only hear muffled sounds. Then there’s a moment of silence where Lexa is sure Clarke is supposed to reply to whatever she was asked, so she immediately leans in as much as possible toward the door trying to grasp Clarke’s answer, her heart suddenly beating faster with expectation and interest. To her dismay Clarke’s answer-if any- is not really audible. But of course just when the most important bit of the discussion is over, that’s the moment they decide to be loud again. 

 

“That’s just great Clarke, fucking amazing!”

 

Lexa hears something like an object being knocked over.

 

“That’s all the answer I needed, thank you very much”.

 

“Niylah, I…”

 

“Just… save it Clarke OK? Save it! Tell Raven to let me know when you’re not gonna be here so I can pick up my stuff. I’m not gonna take long; it’s not like you let me have too many things here anyway.”

 

The slam of the door lets Lexa know the other woman has left the premises. She returns to her previous position-still on her elbows; very intrigued about the entire conversation but she also feels guilty. _‘Fuck that was Clarke’s girlfriend, she must think the worst.’_ She’s still distracted with her inner thoughts when to her surprise Clarke suddenly enters the bedroom.

 

“Oh,” Clarke lets out, frozen in place, her face paling. She looks intently at Lexa, trying to gauge how much the other girl heard but after a few seconds she realizes Lexa doesn’t seem to be weirded out or anything, but still she needs confirmation. “um… how long have you been awake?”

 

At being caught, Lexa cringes in that adorably way of hers. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop Clarke, but it was loud and that kinda woke me up.”

 

“Yeah I’m sorry about that.” Clarke closes her eyes, sincerely regretful.

 

“I’m guessing that was your girlfriend?” Lexa asks straight to the point.

 

It was safe to say Lexa didn’t hear much to Clarke’s relief; so she decides to forget about it and address the question in a sarcastic way. “Yeah … ‘was’ is very accurate I must say.”

 

“Omg! Clarke I’m so sorry.” Lexa springs up, “I had no idea. If I knew this would cause you so much trouble I would’ve never…”

 

“Hey! Don’t say that,” Clarke reassures. “This has nothing to do with you Lexa, I’m really glad you’re here.”

 

That was nice to hear for Lexa but it didn't stop her from feeling bad; she tries desperately to come up with a solution. “I can talk to her Clarke; I can explain to her that nothing happened…”

 

“Lexa that’s not…”

 

“Just tell me where to find her?”

 

“Lexa…”

 

“I promise I can clarify this and…”

 

“Lexa stop, it’s over!” Clarke raises her voice to get Lexa’s attention.

 

It seems to work since Lexa‘s breath hitches in the middle of her ramble, effectively silencing her.

 

That’s when Clarke takes a more calm approach to explain what she means. “What I had with Niylah, it’s over and it has been for a while now so don't worry. This may sound horrible but maybe this was just the perfect excuse to acknowledge it and accept we are done.” She looks to the side, embarrassed at the admission –out loud for the very first time- and how she let it get to that point.

 

Lexa blinks, processing the words, gauging Clarke’s expression. When she sees nothing but honesty she sighs relieved, yet with some reservations. ”Are you sure? Cause I assure you it’s no bother to talk to her myself.”

 

Clarke chuckles at Lexa’s consideration, she has always been so caring; Clarke is happy to realize she hasn’t changed that great part of herself, but she wants to reassure her anyways. ”Yes I’m very sure Lexa, don’t worry.”

 

“OK.”

 

“OK.”

 

With the uncomfortable topic settled and her need to forget about Niylah for the time being Clarke makes a suggestion. “How about we get some coffee huh?” She extends her hand toward Lexa.

 

“Sure” Lexa replies softly taking the hand offered and letting herself to be guided to the other room.

 

…

 

The days passed almost without noticing. There were good ones with both of them catching up on their lives in the past five years, and others were horrible with Lexa crying herself to sleep or closing up entirely. Regardless of any of those situations, Clarke was always there listening to her, taking care of her or giving Lexa space if that was what she needed.

 

One of those good days Lexa went downstairs and to the studio to bring the two artists some refreshments -as she recently got accustomed - since she noticed how caught up they got into their work.

 

“Hey there,” Lexa greets Raven, “time for a break!” She announces sweetly as she places the tray on the table next to the other girl.

 

“Lexa!” Raven greets back with a giant smile. “Oh my God yes, thank you,” she immediately takes a glass of lemonade and chugs it down.

 

Lexa looks around for Clarke, watching her through the window, taking care of a costumer at the gallery shop. She takes a seat, patiently waiting for Clarke to come back, comfortable already in Raven’s presence.

 

“You know?” Raven suddenly comments in a low voice, making sure Clarke is still out of ear shot. “I don’t know what you did but I’m glad you kinda prompted those two to finally break up.”

 

Misunderstanding the stunned expression on Lexa’s face, Raven elaborates. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Niylah is a nice girl and all, but the truth is the relationship was becoming kinda toxic. They weren’t in love with each other for fuck sake; I don’t even know why they lasted so long!” Raven shakes her head in disbelief. “But anyways that’s over now, thanks to you. Cheers to that.” She raises her glass toward Lexa and then continues drinking from it.

 

Confused but not wanting to go deeper into the subject, she offers a slight smile; craning her neck to the side, observing Clarke, lots of questions floating in her head. 

 

Later that day, in their new favorite spot, cuddled in bed Lexa wants to ask Clarke something, but she hesitates, considering if it’s a good idea. Finally when she’s just about to ask the question; Clarke surprises her with a question of her own. 

 

“Why here? After so many years, why here?” Her voice is low and serene, free from any judgment.

 

Lexa already knowing what she’s referring to, takes a few seconds to find the right words but she doesn’t have to think too much. “I guess I knew deep inside I shouldn’t be alone in these moments, but I also needed peace.” She begins. ”The invitation you sent me was there on my nightstand, I read it so many times that I knew the address by heart,” Lexa confesses whispering. “Yeah my family did all they could but their presence was exasperating, I needed to get out of there so one day I basically jumped off my bed, packed a few of my clothes and ran away …and well I ended up here.” Lexa finishes making it sound as the most natural thing in the world.

 

The story seemed to caress Clarke’s heart in a way she can’t describe so she simply accepts how it is without any more questions; putting an arm around Lexa’s shoulders in silent acknowledgment. 

 

During a particularly bad day, Lexa stayed on the couch the whole time crying and reflecting on her relationship, only reminded to eat something by Clarke. It was during dinner time that she finally vented with her friend who was preparing food in the kitchenette.

 

“This is so fucking hard.” Lexa’s words were laced with bitterness and frustration.

 

Clarke chuckled humorlessly “Of course it must be hard. I mean she was your first love after all.” She states reasonably and just a tad bothered.

 

“Only she wasn’t my first love Clarke.” Came Lexa’s surprisingly assertive statement.

 

Clarke freezes at the phrase, the apartment becomes quiet suddenly. She cranes her neck to the side, chancing a glance in Lexa’s direction. 

 

Lexa is absentmindedly staring ahead, caught up in her own thoughts.

 

It was very clear for Clarke that Lexa’s disclosure was made purely by instinct. She would like Lexa to elaborate but refrains from requesting it, given the circumstances. She took a few more seconds to clear her mind before continuing to cook, like nothing had happened.

 

Hours later Clarke is painting in her studio, Lexa keeping her company after insisting for a while that she shouldn’t be alone and fortunately the brunette gave in.

 

They are enjoying the tranquility of the space, when Lexa suddenly feels the need to admit something.

 

 “You know why it hurts so much? Why I feel so bad?”

 

Clarke slowly lays her brush down, gyrating in her seat so she can fully face Lexa; making clear she’s all ears.

 

Lexa closes her eyes and swallows, preparing for what she’s about to say. It is something that she kept to herself and it has been torturing her inside and making her feel guilty. But now with Clarke by her side she is comfortable enough to let things out so she takes a deep breath and confesses. “I was about to break up with her.”

 

The blonde remains silent, giving Lexa the freedom to continue if that’s what she wanted.

 

And she definitely does.

 

“My feelings for her were changing, things were not the same between us; but I just kept pretending.” Lexa shakes her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. “But I couldn’t take it anymore; it wasn’t fair for her or for me. I thought about it some more and I realized I had to do it; I had to break up with her.” She purposely omits the “to look after you” that accompanied her whole dilemma. But Lexa quickly dismisses the thought when memories of her girlfriend come to her. “I lied to her Clarke; I acted like we were doing OK when the whole time I wanted to end it. She was in love with me, she was always sweet and caring but all I could think about was when would be the right time to…” Lexa’s throat constricts, she can’t continue speaking through her sobs.

 

“Lexa…” Clarke leans in, putting a hand on Lexa’s and caressing it tenderly before continuing. “I know this is not gonna be much of a consolation but you did love her once, that love was real and all the things you lived by her side, all that was very much real. She parted this world feeling loved, the last memory she had of you was that you loved her and she loved you. I don’t know you but I don’t see anything wrong with that; she was happy Lexa she died happy and in love, that’s all that matters.”

 

If someone else said the same words to Lexa she would have called it garbage but since it was Clarke who said it, it did make more sense to her. She’s right, it’s not exactly a consolation but it gives her some sort of relief to think that Costia believed in her love and that’s what she had on her mind when she died. And for now that will have to suffice. Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in hers and holds it tightly, conveying in that action how grateful she is that Clarke is supporting her with no criticism or judgment. Overwhelmed by emotion she throws her arms around Clarke’s neck clinging to her for dear life like she did the first day she arrived; but this time not with despair but with ease.

 

…

 

Those weeks in Clarke’s company and care helped Lexa in more ways than she could imagine and was the final boost she needed to take a big step, one she was scared to take by herself.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa calls out to the blonde who is distracted doing the laundry.

 

“mmm?”

 

“I think it’s time.”

 

“Time for what?”

 

“To finally go on that trip I’ve been postponing.”

 

Already finished putting the clothes in the washing machine Clarke questions. “What trip?”

 

Lexa sighs sadly. “Me and Costia had been planning on going backpacking in Europe you know? And we never could cause we were busy.” She looks down briefly but continues with her story. “I wouldn’t exactly go backpacking but I believe it would be important for me to visit the places we wanted to go; like having a spiritual last conversation with her and saying goodbye properly, a closure.” She makes a conscious effort not to get too emotional.

 

“Actually that sounds like a good idea Lexa”. Clarke approves. “I feel it would be cathartic for you, go for it”.

 

With her friends' blessing Lexa feels more sure than ever it’s the right choice. She offers a shy smile to Clarke.

 

“How long will it take?”

 

“Probably a month or two; I guess I will have to see.”

 

Clarke nods. “And after that? What are you planning on doing?”

 

“Actually I don’t know,” Lexa admits. “I honestly haven’t thought about that.” She evidently looks concerned about the subject.

 

As usual Clarke comes to her rescue.

 

“Then how about if after your trip, you come here so we both can figure it out.”

 

“What?” Lexa snaps her head up, her eyes on Clarke’s face.

 

“Yeah, I mean you’re gonna need a place to crash, the apartment is big. You still have no idea what to do and you need some help, and I’m a full time artist who works basically at home so, why not?”

 

The idea presented to her sounds too good to be true. “Are you sure?” Lexa needs confirmation.

 

Clarke snorts. “Of course Lexa, you are my friend and you’re always welcome here; I really, really wanna help.”

 

Clarke’s offer sounds nothing but sincere to her and Lexa has no argument against the idea. “Then OK, I will come here after my trip.”

 

“Yay!” Clarke claps cutely. “We are gonna be roommates.”

 

“We are gonna be roommates.” Lexa giggles at the sound of the statement. “Thank you Clarke.” Lexa offers in all seriousness.

 

“Any time.”

 

Both stare at each other giddy; happy at the prospect of living together.  A new beginning they can’t wait to experience.

 

 

 


	5. Twenty six (Part 2)

 

 

 

After traveling precisely 63 days – not like Clarke was counting- Lexa made it back to Clarke’s place.

 

Even though Lexa told Clarke it wasn't necessary to pick her up at the airport, she did anyway. The encounter was pretty nice; they both hugged and greeted each other excitedly, happy and relieved to be together again.

 

Clarke didn't remark that she noticed Lexa now looked considerably better from when she left. The trip certainly helped Lexa and Clarke couldn't be more grateful.

 

First order of business the following day was to redecorate the apartment.

 

"Clarke!" Lexa whines, "this is your apartment; it should be decorated the way you want it. Besides it looks fine just the way it is, I swear I don't mind. I think me taking the other room is change enough."

 

But of course, Clarke remained adamant.

 

"Well, I kinda disagree. We are gonna be sharing it for a good while; I believe the decor should be a reflection of the both of us. It's only fair and it will help you to feel comfortable."

 

Lexa rolled her eyes but ultimately agreed, knowing this was a battle she could never win. "Fine! We will redecorate," she conceded but implemented conditions of her own. "But only part of the living room and my sleeping area!"

 

Clarke was stubborn, yes, but she knew when not to argue with Lexa and admitted defeat. "Deal". 

 

A symbolic handshake sealed the agreement; accompanied by a snort and eyes rolling.

 

After a few days, they easily fell into a routine of cohabitation that felt as natural as breathing.

 

Despite the fact that Lexa had some sense of closure in regards to her relationship with Costia, the wound was still very fresh and it was obvious there was still a long road ahead. But thanks to their connection Clarke was optimistic she was going to be OK. 

 

Lexa didn't feel prepared yet to go back to her regular work schedule so instead, she opted for helping in the gallery serving as a host and seller; a thing that didn't seem to bother Clarke nor Raven.

 

Barely a week later just when Clarke was out of town attending an important exposition, Niylah incidentally decided to make her appearance.     

 

"Raven," Niylah calls out for the brunette once she made her way inside the gallery to the studio.

 

"Hey…Niylah" Raven greets a bit warily. "Um, Clarke is not here" she informs uncomfortable. Not because she had anything against this woman but because of the presence of a certain brunette who isn't currently in the room.

 

"I know that's why I came here today. I forgot some stuff in the attic," Niylah fills in, "it's not much and it shouldn't take long so if you could give me the key?"

 

"I can't do that". Raven rushes out pursing her lips immediately after.

 

Niylah sighs. "Raven you know me, I'm not a crazy bitch who's gonna steal or break something."

 

"I'm sorry. Ex's rules," Raven shrugs apologetically.

 

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Niylah pinches the bridge of her nose and pauses to take a deep breath to prevent her from lashing out. She then comes up with a more diplomatic way to get her things. "Then come with me or something but I really need my stuff, Raven."

 

"Oh um…" it doesn't sound bad to Raven, that way she may avoid an awkward encounter. She's about to agree when one of her clients makes her way inside the gallery shop. _‘Fuck,'_ she curses internally. She's been waiting for this woman to come in and give her instructions about the commission she was working on; she can't simply dismiss her. Raven is trapped. She gestures to the woman to wait for her, while at the same time thinking about what to say to Niylah.

 

"I can go with you."

 

A female's voice catches Raven's and Niylah's attention.

 

Raven's worst nightmare unfolds in front of her eyes.

 

Niylah's nostrils flare at the vision of the girl casually standing at the entrance of the studio.

 

Lexa, watching the lack of response from both women, repeats her offering thinking they haven't heard her. "I can go with you."

 

Raven swallows, observing Niylah sending daggers in Lexa's direction.

 

It takes a few seconds and a hard clench of her jaw but ultimately Niylah answers, staring directly into Lexa's eyes. "Sure, why not.” It sounds like a challenge.

 

"Great," Lexa says in the most nonchalant and nicest way possible. "I think we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Lexa".  She normally would've extended her hand but given the circumstances, she refrains in order to avoid a prickly situation.

 

"I know who you are," Niylah retorts not hiding her disdain.

 

Raven continues to watch the interaction without intervening.

 

Lexa offers a kind smile. "OK then, let's go," she tells Niylah, turns around and ascends the stairs.

 

"Oh boy!" Raven shakes her head, hoping everything goes OK with those two.

 

As Lexa leads the way up to the attic, Niylah can't help but notice how at ease Lexa moves around, creating suspicion within her.  She watches as Lexa retrieves her key chain and unlocks the apartment door. That is when Niylah gets the first glimpse of the redecorated living room and her suspicions are confirmed.

 

"Huh, you’re living together already". It is an affirmation not a question and the hostility in her voice is evident.

 

"Um." Lexa comes to the realization the meaning of this situation could be misunderstood given who the person is in front of her. Yet she finds no point in lying, "yes we are" not without rectifying "but we are just friends you know?"

 

Niylah glares at Lexa for a few seconds but when the girl only stares at her expectantly, she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You two really deserve each other."

 

Lexa is completely confused by the statement but doesn't have much time to think about the meaning of the wording, since she has to follow Niylah , who has already made her way up to the attic.

 

…

 

"So uh, she didn't tell you anything else?" Clarke asks trying to mask her nervousness; as soon as she was informed of Niylah's visit.

 

"No, not really. She picked up her box and pretty much left." Lexa shrugs. Then she remembers something. "Oh now that I think about it, I believe she called me stupid; well called us stupid."

 

"She what?!" Clarke spats with shock that quickly morphs into anger.

 

"It's OK Clarke; to be fair I think she's kinda right," Lexa comments absentmindedly.

 

"Huh? What do you mean?"

 

The question causes Lexa to meet Clarke's eyes, observing her intently, mulling over something in her head. After a brief moment of careful consideration Lexa chuckles and shakes her head, her mind made up, "nothing".

 

Clarke's forehead wrinkles, she's impossibly puzzled now.

 

Lexa just laughs for a bit at Clarke's expression. "Don't worry Clarke" she says once she has calmed down, "everything is fine." She puts a hand on Clarke's shoulder giving it a light reassuring squeeze, hoping she understands her gesture.

 

Clarke is not really sure she does. Either way, something inside herself is telling her not to insist on discussing the topic for the time being.

 

…

 

Weeks turned into months as they continued with their shared lives, getting to know each other better.

 

Lexa little by little got back on track with her life. She retook contact with her family, began working in her field again and even started going to the gym regularly like she used to.

 

Clarke continued with her shop alongside her partner and friend Raven, working hard as always to make a name for themselves.

 

It was amazing all the things Lexa and Clarke got to live through in their apartment; lots of fun and sad experiences that helped them grow as individuals. They would spend entire nights talking about their days, their plans and some fears they never dared to share out loud before.

 

During one of those weekend nights, they engaged in their usual banter. Among wine and margaritas, the last visit of Niylah came up into the conversation.

 

"Oh, talking about stupid, I meant to ask", Clarke suddenly remembers. "What did you mean by Niylah calling us stupid and that we kinda are?"

 

Lexa, who was in the middle of taking a sip of her drink, spits out the liquid and begins laughing out loud, throwing her head back.

 

The scene is certainly funny but looks considerably funnier given the state of tipsiness they both are in, so Clarke laughs out loud too.

 

"OK, OK seriously, tell me please", Clarke begs when their mirth calmed down.

 

Lexa makes a long sigh, looking at Clarke through glazed eyes. After a few seconds of contemplation, Lexa snorts and proceeds with her explanation. "Just look at us, what are we doing now?"

 

"um…" Clarke, taking it too literally was about to describe the scene they were currently in but Lexa cuts her off.

 

"No, no" Lexa waves her hand in the air dismissively. "I didn't mean right now", she rolls her eyes exaggeratedly before calmly elaborating. "I mean… look at us! We are here living together, playing house; finally free of any ties or relationships and yet we are unable to admit what we really feel".

 

Any traces of alcohol in Clarke's system begins to vanish at the admission. This is the first time Lexa has addressed the elephant in the room and Clarke is having a tiny panic attack inside.

 

"It's really frustrating if you think about it; we wasted so much time not confronting our feelings." Lexa shakes her head "I mean don't get me wrong, I loved Costia very much she was my first real girlfriend but you…" she makes eye contact with Clarke "but you are special… you were my first love".

 

Clarke stares at Lexa and gulps unable to assimilate the statements being thrown at her in fast succession.

 

"Why did we never reach out? Why we never tried?" Lexa continues to talk, lost in her regrets almost like she's doing it to herself. "Cause we are a couple of cowards, that's why", Lexa chuckles bitterly adding as a final statement. "So yeah Niylah is right, we are both stupid… we deserve each other". With that last sentence, Lexa takes a long swig of her glass of wine emptying its contents. Then she announces in the most casual way possible, "I'm pooped I'm going to bed". She stands up with difficulty but once she regains her balance she takes a few steps forward, stopping briefly to give Clarke a kiss on the forehead.”That was a nice talk Clarke, I enjoyed it. Good night". 

 

"Good...night" Clarke mumbles as she watches Lexa stumble to her bed.

 

...

 

Turns out Lexa - or well, Niylah- was right; Clarke is a coward. She's painfully aware that what Lexa disclosed the night before was the first step; it was basically her throwing the ball in Clarke's court so to speak, but as usual, she finds herself unable to do something about it.

 

And apparently, her lack of response has not gone unnoticed by Lexa who acted as though nothing had happened the next day.

_'Probably out of pity knowing already how good I am at confronting things'_ Clarke laments. _'Or probably she knows I'm not ready? Ugh, she knows me so well'._ Clarke can admit to herself she still lacks the courage to openly address what she feels for her friend but that doesn't mean she's not gonna do something about it.

 

Since that day Clarke made a conscious effort to be more attentive with Lexa, more affectionate. She even dared to be touchy-feely and gauge Lexa's reaction. Luckily, Lexa reciprocated her subtle advances with the same affection. 

 

So Clarke's little scheme worked, getting the friends closer to each other in what could be considered a step forward. The positive outcome of her little experiment increased Clarke’s confidence and made her feel more at ease with the situation. So much so that one day she decided it was time for her to finally address the topic herself. She thought about it for a couple of days debating the pros and cons but ultimately she decided the best choice was to go for it once and for all.

 

It was an ordinary day; Clarke was on her way to pick up Lexa from work as she would do whenever she and Raven closed the shop early for a well-deserved break. On those days Lexa would greet her with a warm smile and both would go to the apartment or sometimes stopped to have something to eat or simply sitting on a park bench or on the grass.

 

And on this day that's exactly where they are, sitting on the grass in the park, eating Lexa's favorite pastries they got on their way. The conversation has flowed like always, they are relaxed and comfortable in each other’s company.

 

It is during a moment of silence when they were basking in their surroundings that Clarke suddenly blurts out.

 

"Are we dating?"

 

Lexa, who was in the middle of savoring her pastry, almost chokes at the unexpected question. "Um" her face flushes.

 

Clarke wants to smile at how adorable Lexa looks when she's embarrassed but she's too busy hyperventilating on the inside.

 

After collecting herself, Lexa clears her throat to indicate she's ready to speak, now in her usual cool manner. "Well, we are in the park having a good time and we evidently like each other. So yeah it kinda looks like a date".

 

Clarke chuckles at Lexa's playful observation. She thinks of teasing her but what Lexa says next is nothing to laugh about.

 

"The real question here Clarke would be, do you want it to be a date?" Lexa's brow is raised, challengingly.

 

And there it is, the moment of truth.

 

The moment Clarke has been waiting for so long. Of all the scenarios that ran through her head regarding a change in their relationship status; a serene afternoon in a park wasn't one of them. _'But when has anything about us been normal?'_ She thinks to herself. In any case, the simplicity of it all is a testament on how perfectly they fit together, how everything should have been from the very beginning.

 

Simple and natural.

 

With that last thought, Clarke makes up her mind and gives the most honest answer in her life. "Actually yes, I do".

 

Lexa's lips part in a huge grin of delight. Like Clarke, she has been waiting far too long for this moment. Yet she has been patient knowing the time was close and her patience has been paid up in full.

 

"How about you?"

 

Clarke's question brings Lexa back from her inner thoughts. There is no need for her to ponder too much about the answer. "Me too". Lexa keeps it simple.

 

Their eyes connected in an intense gaze that is accompanied by conspiratorial smiles. The moment is so intimate, so delightfully engrossing that Lexa wants to make it last to the maximum and keep up the mystery a little longer so she takes immediate action.

 

“You know?” Lexa leans in a bit toward Clarke like she is sharing a secret. “As amazing as this impromptu date turned out to be, I would like us to go on a proper one.”

 

“Oh!!” The proposition makes Clarke feel giddy all over, but she tries to keep her composure in check with Lexa’s correctness. “Is that so?” She teases. “When will that be?”

 

“Hmm”.  Lexa feigns to think about it. “I would say… tomorrow night?”

 

Clarke is just slightly surprised at the promptness but has no opposition to it. “Sure, what do you have in mind?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

 

With that response, Lexa’s flirty side kicks in. “Leave it all to me”, she winks.

 

And that was exactly what Clarke did.

 

The way back to the apartment was definitely something else and new, full of suggestive looks, “accidental” touches and grins of pure joy. Once at the apartment surprisingly there was no awkwardness, they felt pretty comfortable and free actually as if a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders. Everything seemed to be the same, except this time, the goodnight wishes were accompanied by goofy beams that carried sweet expectations.

 

The next day after having a quick breakfast, Lexa went to work, but not before letting Clarke know what time she would be picking her up.

 

So Clarke was on cloud nine imagining the events that would transpire in just a few hours.

 

And well it showed.

 

“Earth to Clarke?” Raven moves her hand back and forth in front of the blonde's face.

 

“Oh yeah…” Clarke shakes her head to come out of her trance, “what were you saying?” She tries to get back onto the topic at hand.

 

Raven arks a brow at her “OK, you’ve been acting really weird today, what’s going on?”

 

Clarke could have lied or simply avoided the question, but the truth was she was so happy that she was dying to tell her friend anyway. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t play around a bit. “OK, OK fine, yes something happened”, she leaves her brush –the one she had been barely using- and sits directly in front of Raven.

 

“What is it?” The curiosity is killing Raven.

 

“So um… I have a date”.

 

Raven’s expression shows shock and something else that looks a lot like confusion. “Oh!”

 

Clarke enjoys every second of it.

 

Despite the initial reaction and her own personal opinion, Raven tries to act like a good friend. “And who’s the lucky girl? Someone from the conference that you went to last time?”

 

“Nope”.

 

“Um, a client?”

 

Clarke just moves her head from side to side.

 

Raven stares at her for a few seconds and then gasps. “Oh my God, don’t tell me you’re back with Naiylah!”

 

“What?! Fuck no!” Clarke spats offended her friend would make that assumption.

 

“Then who the hell are you going on a date with?!” Raven can no longer take it. “Cause you’ve been so damn happy since this morning with that stupid smile; almost like the one Lexa had when I saw her leaving earlie…” She stops abruptly in mid-sentence realizing what she just said. Raven eyes Clarke carefully, analyzing her until she notices the small smirk on her friend's face. “No. No way”. She finally puts two and two together. “NO FUCKING WAY!” Raven suddenly begins to screech like a mad woman.

 

“Oh, God!” Clarke cringes at the loud sound.

 

Raven has lost it “When? How?!” She bombards Clarke with multiple questions.

 

Luckily, Clarke is more than willing to quench her curiosity. “Yesterday after work. It just sort of happened… and now we have a date”, she ends with a goofy grin on her lips.

 

“Oh my god, you have a date”. Raven takes hold of Clarke's hands and both friends start giggling like little girls.

 

After a few more moments of girlish clowning around, Raven lets out “fuck, it was about time you bitch”.

 

Clarke looks down and blushes, “yeah I know”.

 

“But I’m so happy for you. You guys deserve it”. Raven playfully punches Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you”.

 

They fall into a peaceful quietness that only lasts a few seconds.

 

“OK I need more details, I wanna know everything”. Raven stands up abruptly “c’ mon lets go,” she starts pulling Clarke by her hand.

 

“Hey! What are you doing?”  Confused, Clarke protests.

 

“We are getting you ready for your date,” Raven explains simply.

 

“There’s lots of time for that, plus I already know what I’m gonna wear”.

 

Raven scoffs, “oh yeah? I need to see what you are planning to wear. You must look perfect for this date; I don’t want you to fuck it up”.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes but allows her friend to take her upstairs. She won’t admit it out loud but she’s actually enjoying it.

 

….

 

At 7 pm sharp, a car pulls up in front of the gallery shop, where Clarke was instructed to wait. She couldn’t help admire the beautiful car Lexa got for the occasion, but the face of the beautiful brunette as she approached the passenger seat got all her attention. “Hey”.

 

“Hello. Wait.” Lexa welcomes sweetly as she exits the vehicle and rounds it to stand in front of Clarke. “Allow me”, she opens the car door chivalrously. 

 

“Oh, thank you very much”, Clarke giggles at Lexa’s courtesy, as she climbs into the passenger's seat.

 

Lexa quickly gets back into the driver’s seat and prepares for the upcoming drive.

 

“Nice ride”, Clarke praises while buckling the seat belt.

 

“I know, right?” Lexa concedes. “This is a special occasion, so I thought I should rent something elegant for us to enjoy”.

 

“You didn’t have to, but I won’t complain”, Clarke shrugs and sticks out her tongue.

 

“I kinda did” Lexa states, starting the car and driving to their destination. She clears her throat before making an admission. “I know it may sound silly but I really wanted to do the whole traditional date thing with you. You know, Pick you up, nice dinner, a short walk before coming back… like I always dreamed of”, she finalizes not daring to glance at Clarke as shyness suddenly overwhelms her.

 

Lexa’s confession manages to make Clarke’s heart burst. “That’s not silly Lexa, it’s actually very sweet”. Then she bites her lip and makes an admission of her own “and just so you know I also dreamed about it… a lot.”

 

They fell into a comfortable silence after their mutual confessions, stealing glances at each other all the way to the restaurant.

 

To Clarke’s delight dinner was at a fancy Italian restaurant, one she had suggested wanting to try out before. It makes her endlessly happy to know Lexa remembered. She doesn’t bother to ask how Lexa got the reservations on such short notice, she’s sure Lexa’s parents had something to do with it.

 

It was actually fascinating for both of them on how everything was running so smoothly, effortlessly like they’ve done this many times before, which causes Lexa to begin chuckling. 

 

“What?” Clarke asks.

 

“Nothing it’s just…” Lexa pauses briefly, only to snort seconds later “this still is kinda surreal you know? I mean yesterday we were friends and now we are dating, how crazy is that?” She shakes her head in disbelief.

 

“I know, still hard to process huh?” Clarke agrees.

 

“Yeah, I mean it was never that way with…” And just like that Lexa’s excitement diminishes as she feels like she was punched in the gut. She remains unexpectedly quiet.

 

Clarke reaches for Lexa’s hand reassuringly, knowing exactly what’s on Lexa’s mind.

 

Lexa bites her lip while trying to keep her composure. “I’m sorry I…” she chokes up; her eyes fill up with tears.

 

“Shhhh, it’s OK I got you”.

 

 And it’s Clarke’s unconditional support that allows Lexa to take a breath and embrace what’s happening to her. The date, the flirting, the fast pace and everything else that is going on makes it all too real for Lexa as she realizes she’s certainly moving on. Her relationship with Costia as nice as it was can’t be compared to what she is feeling –or ever felt- with Clarke. It’s like those years together, vanish and pale in comparison with the last few months she has spent with the blonde and that thought alone is frightening.

 

“It’s OK Lexa, I get it. You don’t have to keep it to yourself, you can let it out.” Clarke reassures. “Maybe we are going too fast for you to take it all in? Perhaps we should slow down a bit? See how it goes?” She suggests wholeheartedly.

 

But Lexa knows that there’s nothing to feel bad about or to be scared of. Clarke is there for her in any case. That gives her the necessary courage to sober up and disclose her next words.

 

“No, I don’t need more time really, we waited long enough.” Lexa asseverates. “What we are experiencing reminded me of Costia somehow and it made me sad and that’s not bad, right?” She waits for Clarke’s nod to continue. “I guess you make me feel so at ease and comfortable that I have no reservations in being vulnerable with you because I know you care and you’re gonna protect me.” She holds tighter onto Clarke’s hands and says “thank you for your understanding Clarke, it means the world to me. Now that we are embarking on this new and long expected relationship I’m grateful that I have it more than ever. So no I don’t want to wait any longer.”

 

That’s all the answer Clarke needs to realize Lexa will be fine. “OK then”. She lightly squeezes Lexa’s hands before detaching her own to take her wine glass and make a toast. “For us and a brighter future”.

 

Lexa already feeling better and wanting to celebrate instead of mourn follows suit, “for us”.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you wanna know how this lovely fic ends? Don't miss part 3 coming soon! don't forget to subscribe! Leave comments and kudos so I know you are interested... and also may help me go faster :P


	6. Twenty six (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Thank you for joining me on this lovely ride! enjoy ;) 
> 
> Ps. Thank you Roxy50 for your amazing beta work! :P

 

 

 

Back at the apartment tired but happy, they sat on the couch and did the same thing as they do every weekend: catch up on their favorite shows. The atmosphere was different of course but in a good way and they let it be.

 

It wasn’t until the end of one particular episode that Lexa having taken everything into account decided to go for it and voiced in a most solemn expression. “Clarke, will you be my girlfriend?”

 

Clarke cranes her neck and meets Lexa’s green orbs.  The sentence Lexa just uttered is one that Clarke had imagined hearing a thousand times but nothing compares to the sweetness of reality. Her lips involuntary twist upwards while she says the words that have been stuck in her throat for over fifteen years. “I would love to.”

 

A tiny smile on Lexa’s face seals the deal.

 

Like attracted by a magnetic power, they lean toward each other. Barely an inch apart they both stop at the same time wanting to prolong and cherish this moment.

 

Clarke sighs deeply, involuntarily inhaling Lexa’s perfume, clouding her senses in its wake.

 

Lexa for her part can’t decide whether to let herself be consumed by Clarke’s intense blue eyes or continue to stare at her voluptuous lips.

 

They remain like that, captured in their own longings for several seconds until eventually, their need wins over and slowly they connect their lips in a tender kiss. Each of them goes through an assortment of emotions as they savor each other’s taste, their minds evoking unintentionally a memory that is blurry but still very present. They actually don’t recall much details of their infamous teenage goodbye, which only fuels their need to kiss in order to create more -and better- images to remember later. 

 

Satisfied for the time being with what they obtained in their official first kiss they part with eyes closed shut, enjoying the sweet dizziness of their romantic relinking.

 

“Wow.” Clarke can’t help verbalize.

 

“I know…” Lexa breathes out leaning her forehead upon Clarke’s.

 

A good minute later their lips reunited once again, with more purpose and in search of enjoyment.

 

Lexa pauses first as she is in need of oxygen but to her dismay; Clarke seems to want to halt their activities for the night.

 

“Hey!” Lexa exclaims when Clarke starts getting up.

 

“It’s getting late” Clarke announces, helping Lexa up too. She notices Lexa is pouting and she can't stop herself from giggling. “I think we better get some rest cause I really wanna be refreshed for our second date,” she lets out mischievously sticking her tongue out.

 

“Oh,” that works in cheering Lexa up. “Second date huh?” Lexa smirks already imagining it.

 

“Uh huh,” Clarke confirms holding onto Lexa’s hand while toying with her fingers.

 

Their gawking and beaming ends abruptly when Clarke places a chaste peck on Lexa’s lips. “Good night,” she whispers before parting ways and begins moving towards her bedroom knowing fully well Lexa’s eyes are on her the whole time.

 

…

 

The second date is a success. Clarke chose a fun day out visiting different places around the city. To both of their delight, the night ended with a heavy make-out session on the couch, but throughout the pleasurable activity, something became evident: both wanted more. So they pushed their shyness aside and decided to discuss it openly.

 

“Clarke” Lexa begins, tentatively “I want…”

 

“Me too.” Clarke cuts her off in a rush, blushing profusely at her desperate confession.

 

Lexa, far from mocking her, throws her head back letting out a soft groan showing her own desperation.

 

They stay quiet, calming themselves down while at the same time considering their options. Despite all the time they had been waiting for this moment to happen they are aware their relationship is brand new, they can’t simply jump into bed without a care. Well, they could but they really want to take the best of their loving and make it, as Clarke had stated some years ago, special. Nevertheless, that didn’t mean it couldn’t happen soon.

 

Luckily, Lexa came up with a solution. “So… since I don’t think neither of us can wait much longer…” she pauses briefly for Clarke’s confirmation when she gets it she proposes. “How about if we um, plan something for tomorrow. That way we can, I don’t know see how it goes, get like… mentally ready?”

 

Clarke can only nod dumbly “OK.”

 

“OK.”

 

Neither of them dares to comment about the subject after that, they simply stare at each other with their chests slightly heaving. It’s innocent at first but soon their eyes begin roaming around their bodies; their minds already filling up with expectations and fantasies. It’s so hot so stimulating they can feel it in their bones. Clarke bites her lip; Lexa swallows the sudden dryness in her throat.

They are at arm's length from each other, so close, so tempting. One simple move and they could just…

 

“I gotta go!

 

“OK, good night!”

 

Both stand up unceremoniously at the same time, walking briskly in opposite directions from the couch, technically running to their respective rooms.

 

…

 

 It’s a chill Sunday morning. Clarke wakes up at the smell of coffee. She quickly gets ready to join her girlfriend in the kitchenette.

 

“Morning sleepy head.” Lexa greets with her usual smile.

 

“Morning.” Clarke gives her a peck, giggling to herself.

 

“What?” Lexa questions.

 

“Nothing; it’s just...I still can’t believe we are together.” Clarke concedes with dreamy eyes.

 

“Oh, that” Lexa chuckles, “it’s only been two days. I haven’t assimilated either. But lets not question it, lets just enjoy it instead,” she winks.

 

“That can be arranged.” With a flirtatious smile, Clarke proceeds to set the table.

 

Breakfast goes smoothly; they talk about the usual stuff, purposely ignoring the obvious sexual tension in the air. Despite the good atmosphere and mutual feelings, there was something they couldn’t put a finger on that felt missing.

 

And then it hit Clarke. They never truly talked about their separation and their feelings about it, at least not in a sober setting. She thought since they were about to take the next step in their relationship, they may as well take the plunge and have that intimate discussion too and there was no better time than the present.

 

“Do you really think we were cowards?” She finally asks, setting her plate aside.

 

As it was recently customary, Lexa is once again caught off guard by Clarke’s question. This time she’s more prepared though so she calmly finishes her toast, gives it a little thought and only then replies with confidence. “No, not really. I guess we were simply not ready.”

 

“mm-hmm” Clarke nods in agreement .“I sometimes tried to console myself with that you know? It wasn’t the right time and stuff.”

 

“Exactly. I guess we somehow needed to have different experiences, to make us the way we are. Before that we were too immature to face a possible relationship between us, I can even say we were scared.”

 

Clarke arches a brow silently urging Lexa to elaborate.

 

“What I mean is even though we were teenagers; we kinda knew what it meant…that night in your bedroom.” Lexa involuntarily becomes shy about the subject but carries on anyway. “Even as drunk as we were, to me that was the moment we realized it was more than a crush, that it was deeper. I mean we found out early on we had potential to be the real deal and… that thought can be scary if you’re not in the right mindset.”

 

At first, Clarke only stares at Lexa in amazement. She will never cease being stunned by Lexa’s eloquence and capacity to be analytical. Ever since they had their first conversation it was clear to Clarke that Lexa was a thinker and that always made it a whole different experience talking to her. She can’t believe she has the chance to enjoy this woman for herself. Passing the dazed state she was in, Clarke responds to Lexa’s conclusion. “I couldn’t have said it any better.”

 

Lexa chuckles at Clarke’s stern agreement.

 

The topic brought up an intense need to know about their past so they spent a good couple of hours on the couch telling the other about their feelings since the moment they separated and all they went through in their minds. Suddenly, it all comes back to the day they slept together.

 

“Even as messy as it was I think we learned a lot that day.” Lexa giggles getting lost in the memory.

 

“Maybe we can do something about it.” Clarke hints with her characteristic raspy voice, “Do it properly this time, learn more things?”

 

Lexa’s eyes widen at the bold suggestion; she connects her eyes with Clarke’s, trying to gauge how serious she is. And it surprises her how determined and willing she looks. She can’t seem to react, overwhelmed by the obvious invitation. But when Clarke bites her own lip so sensually, Lexa immediately takes matters into her own hands. Without saying a word she stands up, extending a hand for Clarke to take.

 

Clarke glances at the hand offered and gulps, knowing what’s coming next. Even though she was the one who provoked this situation the outcome is still very nice, and that makes her a bit nervous. Luckily, the certainty Lexa is exuding is contagious enough to help Clarke to let herself go and finally take Lexa’s hand.

 

When they finally held onto each other’s hand, they both felt a surge of electricity through their limbs that seemed to free their sexual tension. Their bodies immediately react to it, sending jolts of pleasure to their centers, only encouraging them to continue….and fast.

 

With a little help from Lexa, finally, Clarke stands up and is immediately guided to her bedroom.

 

There, face to face, standing at the foot of the bed, they allow the moment to sink in. They stare at each other without speaking; only their heavy breathing can be heard in the background. Now certain of what’s gonna unfold in the next few minutes, neither bother to hide their indiscreet gazing, on the contrary, they ogle each other mentally memorizing what they desire most.

 

Ultimately it’s Lexa who can’t wait any longer. She wraps her arms around Clarke's hips and pulls her toward her body, all the while kissing her hungrily.

 

The action takes Clarke aback, causing her to expel a moan out of shock and delight. As she reciprocates the kiss she doesn’t waste the opportunity to place her hands on Lexa’s back.

 

Things progress rather fast to Clarke’s amusement. One minute their mouths are locked in a passionate kiss, the next minute Lexa’s lips are sucking on her neck and her hands are exploring her contours. Not like she’s complaining but she finds this attention oddly rushed. It is when she’s being slightly pushed back that she has a sudden realization.

 

Lexa wants control.

 

Not like she wants to control Clarke or the situation in an authoritative manner, but more like she’s scared what’s happening now is not real, and if she doesn’t hurry she may wake up from her dream and lose Clarke again.

 

Of course, Clarke understands and what’s better she is willing to give that control to Lexa. But before she lets herself be drowned in their yearnings she must do something first.

 

“Lexa,” she sweetly murmurs, putting a hand softly on Lexa’s chest.

 

That manages to momentarily take Lexa out of her lustful state. She leans back to look at Clarke a bit concerned.

 

Clarke hurries to put Lexa’s worries aside with a tender smile. Once she’s sure Lexa is totally focused on her she takes a deep breath, connecting her eyes with Lexa’s.  A few seconds pass of intense emotional interaction then Clarke decides to reveal the secret her heart has been keeping for all these years. “I love you.”

 

Lexa's face lights up in a way it has never before. She feels her heart flutter at the declaration. She spent countless nights fantasizing Clarke saying those beautiful words to her and now that she finally heard them for real, she needs to respond to those words with all her being. “I love you too.”

 

After that, the intensity of their sexual craving morphed into something more of a necessity; an urge to feel united in body and soul.

 

Clarke felt overcome with the need to ravish Lexa’s body right there and then but she chooses to wait, knowing that Lexa needed this more than she does.

 

This time Lexa takes Clarke’s face with both her hands and kisses her deeply, returning to where she left off. Unlike her first attempt now she’s not desperate anymore; now she wants to taste Clarke with the longing of having her favorite meal after a long while.

 

It doesn’t take long for clothes to begin falling onto the ground while in search of skin.

 

Finally, only in underwear Clarke can’t help her curiosity so she detaches from Lexa’s hold and sits up in the bed, making it pretty obvious she wants to watch.

 

That earns a throaty chuckle from Lexa. “You like what you see?” She comments in a sultry way as she removes the last item on her body.

 

Clarke nods numbly, pride gone through the window the moment Lexa’s naked form appeared in its fullest. It was a relief for her to realize Lexa hasn’t lost the athletic figure she gained while in high school. She makes an involuntary movement with her hand that luckily Lexa notices.

 

Lexa approaches Clarke slowly, stopping barely centimeters away from her.

 

Clarke’s looks up at Lexa, intrigued. When Lexa silently invites to touch her, Clarke wastes no time in reaching with her hand for Lexa’s abs. She gasps at the feel of firm muscles in her fingers. She traces the lines of them absentmindedly repeating the motions she fantasized making a thousand times before. When she hears Lexa’s short intake of breath she becomes aware that Lexa is enjoying this just as much as she does. It’s arousing her to know her touches are fueling Lexa’s desires.

 

And well Lexa can’t resist anymore, she can’t simply just watch her girlfriend. She pushes Clarke softly onto the mattress and proceeds to unclasp her bra from the front.

 

Clarke’s generous breasts spill out of their confines, leaving Lexa dumbfounded for a few seconds.

 

Watching that, Clarke smiles to herself remembering how Lexa seemed to have a particular fondness for them the first and only time they slept together. Her fun gets interrupted though when she feels Lexa’s hands holding onto both her breasts.

 

Lexa expels a shuddering breath at the feel of Clarke’s mounds finally in her hands. She kneads and squishes them like she didn’t have the chance ten years ago.

 

Clarke groans and throws her head back enjoying the ministrations.

 

It marvels Lexa how almost immediately pink nipples turned rock hard in her palms; makes her feel empowered eliciting this reaction from her girl. And it’s that newfound empowerment that motivates her to run her hands lower and remove Clarke’s panties.

 

The blonde gulps, still a bit shy at being completely exposed. But the way Lexa stares at her like she is worshiping her brings back the confidence to let Lexa guide this loving session.

 

Just like she did earlier, Lexa takes her time to admire the beauty of Clarke’s bareness. She quietly lets her palms slide over Clarke’s skin from her thighs to her sides making sure not to let any part go unattended. When Clarke begins writhing she knows she’s ready. 

 

Already drunk with desire, Clarke scoots over to the middle of the bed following Lexa’s instruction. She waits impatiently for Lexa to crawl onto the bed and she’s pleasantly surprised when Lexa maneuvers to be on top of her.

 

Warm skins clash, prompting moans from both girls.

 

Clarke’s arms automatically fly to Lexa’s back, where she lets them roam a bit to explore already tense muscles.

 

Overcome with many emotions and sensations, Lexa rests her forehead on Clarke’s, while inhaling the sweet perfume of her girl’s skin.

 

Clarke nuzzles her nose with the brunettes conveying with that action she’s feeling exactly what Lexa is feeling.

 

And it is at that moment that everything makes sense, the sensation of something missing, the hope for something else, the search for someone special is now over. They are now complete, they are home.

 

With that wonderful realization, they let themselves go and make love, giving each other their heart and soul, uniting their bodies into one.

 

…

 

Hours later, satiated in each other arms, they lay basking in their reconnection, alternating between comfortable silence and whispering sweet nothings that fill their hearts.

 

The tranquility of their current state is momentarily broken by Clarke who voices something that can be considered the statement of the century given their circumstances.

 

“Lets not wait ten years to do this again, OK?”

 

“Oh God please no!” Lexa exclaims exasperatedly.

 

At that both burst into laughter, happy that they overcame their insecurities and are now enjoying each other’s company. Full of glee for what the future has to offer them.

 

Xxxxxx

 

The fifth time they met was below a beautifully decorated flower arch the day of their wedding, to promise each other to not be separated ever again.

 

That, unbeknown to both of them, was the first day of the rest of their lives, together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check my other fics if you liked this one! Thank you for reading! <3


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